You reach a certain point in motherhood when you “cross over.” When you look up one day at not freak out over the crayon hald shoved up your child’s nose. When you know they aren’t really hurt if they cry right away but if you hear a load crash and a huge intake of air you’re already out of your seat running before the blood curdling shill pierces the air. this is what I like to call Mommyville.
You know you’re new address is M0mmyville:
1) When filling out forms if need be you could list each child’s pediatrician, the pediatrician’s nurse, and the pediatrician’s secretary but you primary health care provider would have to be your OBGyn cause let’s face it, unless your pregnant you don’t have time to see a doctor.
2) If asked you could recite your children’s social security numbers, shoe size, age in months, and every teacher they’ve ever had since preschool but pause when asked your own birth date.
3) You know your children’s weight in kilograms on the off chance that you’re in Europe and need to know Tylenol dosage for your three year old.
4) You know which of your children likes their peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust off, which one likes it cut diagonally, which one like chunky NOT creamy, and which one has to have in cut in to uniform triangles with grape jelly, NOT strawberry or raspberry because the seeds taste “icky,” with the peanut butter side down with the bottom of the sandwich parallel to the bottom of their plate or don’t even think of putting it in front of them with out serious hell to pay.
5) You no longer pee with the door closed while your children are eating because your best friend’s sister’s cousin’s child’s teacher made the mistake of peeing in private and her child choked on a grape and nearly died. You also cut your 7 year-old’s grapes into 8 pieces before serving.
6) You keep your make-up in your car and apply at stoplight and traffic jams because the snooze button takes precedence over any morning maintenance routine. Don’t forget the stick of deodorant in the glove box.
7) Although your house is complete disaster, you know exactly where every pacifier, secret stash of diapers, and favorite blanket is at all times, yet it takes you ten minutes to find your cell phone every morning.
8) You can easily tune out your children’s laughter and the fact that they are jumping on the bed in the next room but your ears instantly perk up as soon as it gets quiet, too quite.
9) You use Santa to his full potential every year. Never as a threat, just as the “friendly reminder” that it may be Easter but he’s still watching.
10) You praise God for the invention of Cheerios because be it bracelets, counting tools, or the only thing your two year old will eat you know that they are a precious gift. And if you ever run out, Lord knows you can always fin a couple hundred in the baby’s car seat.
How do you know you’re in Mommyville?